The Brexit divorce

Wife

“Listen, I’ve thought about this long and hard and although there are a lot of great things about you I really feel we should split up, I’m leaving”

Husband

“What! But what about all those great things we do together?”

Wife

“I know, but I really don’t like your controlling nature and we’ve spoken about this and you refuse to change. You’re so sure that you are right all the time and endlessly calling me stupid doesn’t help”

Husband

“You can’t leave, you won’t be able to support yourself!”

Wife

“I’ll manage just fine, I was doing fine before we met and I’ll do just fine after I leave”

Husband

“Listen, leaving makes no financial sense, you’ll have to buy a new house, our food and electric bills are lower when we’re together, I’ll have to phone you to talk about our joint investments and you certainly won’t be able to work at my company anymore”

Wife

“There may be some financial pain in the short term and I’ll find a new way to earn some money but in the long run it will be for the best for both of us, we just want different things”

Husband

“I tell you what, I’ll do you a deal. Let’s split up but you live here and just sleep in the spare room for now. We’ll keep the same house and share the shopping, you keep your job and we’ll share the bills. It’ll be much more economically sensible. Then maybe if your views change it will be so much easier for us to get back together!!”

Wife

“I don’t think you’ve understood what I’m saying and I really don’t think you understand what the word ‘leave’ means. ‘I’m leaving’ means that we will not be together any more. We will not share the same house and bills and I will have my own rules. The money I earn will be mine, the money you earn will be yours.

Now hopefully we can be amicable with each other and discuss our joint investments sensibly but if you try to bully me or be mean in any way it will cost us both and will do nothing to suggest to me that I’ve made the wrong decision, in fact petty bullying behaviour will just strengthen my opinion that it was right to leave you.

Living in the same house as you but sleeping in the spare room is not leaving, although I guess you might call it a ‘soft’ leave.

‘I’m leaving’ means ‘I’m leaving’ any person with half a brain cell knows what leaving means.

But, I genuinely want you to do well after I’ve left. While you may feel animosity towards me I certainly don’t towards you and I wish you all the luck in your future life and where I can I’ll help you out if you need it”

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